Best Man Toast with a Short Bride Roast

Because I am so darn proud of Mr. Dizzy's work, I just had to share his toast! He got so many laughs and compliments!

Best Man Speech

Hi, my name is __Mr. Dizzy__, for those of you who don’t know me I’m the groom’s younger brother.

I wanted to start off by thanking everyone involved in making this day special.

As many of you know, __Groom__ has quite the list of accomplishments. I would like to highlight a few now:

__Groom__’s Accomplishments

* First Born

* First Born Male (Able to trade on the family name).

* High School and College Athlete

* Attended The Air Force Academy

* Was awarded MVP of the National Champion Air Force Academy Rugby Team

* First to Get Married

So with this amazing resume, it was very nice of him to allow me, for one day, to be the best man.

Now, growing up, __Groom__ and I had a dicey relationship. It was __Groom__’s duty as an older brother to torment me, and my duty as a younger brother to get __Groom__ into trouble, whether he had done anything or not. With this type of relationship, you can guess, that I learned how to annoy him. I’m amazing at it. I don’t have to look at him, talk to him, I don’t even have to be in the same room as him and I can annoy him. In fact, I am using my Jedi mind powers to annoy him right now. 

So __Bride__, I would love to stand up here at give you advice on how to make my brother happy, but the fact remains that I have no idea how to do that.

 But, you are my new sister, and I want to welcome you to the family, so I’m going to do it the only way I know how. __Bride__, prepare to be annoyed. I’d like to talk about all the things that I don’t like about __Bride__.

Things I don’t like

1. When __Groom__ started dating __Bride__, he decided he was from Texas. Really? Texas? Where is the Montana Pride.

2. She is a better __Family name__ than I am. She can stand up to my sisters. Case in point: Before our family reunion two years ago my sisters provided a list of requirements for __Bride__ on facebook. Let me read off a few of them and __Bride__’s responses.

__FSIL-M__ Wrote: Here are ways your girlfriend can win over your sisters (including __Mr. Dizzy__). . .

Don't spend an hour doing your hair and makeup if we are going to do something outdoorsy!

__Bride__ Responded: -my hair is a mess more days than it is actually fixed

__FSIL-M__  Wrote: Don't treat __FSIL-T__ like a child.

__Bride__ Responded: I don't think this will be a problem

__FSIL-M__  Wrote: Drink a lot and have fun. Get a little crazy, but not annoying!

__Bride__ Responded: I hope you like tequila

3. The third thing I don’t like about __Bride__: When __Bride__ and __Groom__ came to visit in Montana for Thanksgiving, __Bride__ voluntarily shoveled the sidewalk. I never voluntarily shovel the sidewalk. Don’t do that it makes me look bad.

4. But when I sat down to figure out things I didn’t like about __Bride__, it was hard. Which, ironically is the fourth thing that I don’t like about her.

But in all reality __Bride__ is an awesome girl and I am excited to welcome a new sister into the family. I know you’ll fit in great, and I’m looking forward to the family adventures to come. Before I wrap things up I wanted to give you guys some advice for a happy marriage. No I don’t speak from experience, I speak from Wikipedia.

Advice

* Choose your battles, you don’t have to be right all the time

* Don’t go to bed angry

* Don’t sweat the small stuff

* Don’t come home drunk with a dead body

* Always remember how much you love each other right now in this room.

In closing, I’m pleased to say that, __Groom__, it’s time for your mission to torment me to come to an end. You have a new mission now. To make __Bride__ the happiest woman on earth, and I’m confident you will succeed. So finally please raise your glasses to __Groom__ and __Bride__. I can speak for everyone in this room when I say we all wish you the happiness that you deserve.


~~~~~


Isn't that great? Lots of good humor but really sweet at the end.  So perfect!! Nice job Mr. Dizzy! 


Did anyone else sortof grill the bride in a best man speech? What do you think is better... having a memorize speech or reading it from a paper?